How To Connect When They Are Emotionally Distant

It can be hard to be in a relationship, whether platonic or romantic, with someone who is typically emotionally distant.  Some people’s personalities are more naturally reserved than others. On the other hand,  a person could have gone through some kind of traumatic event that made them this way. Either way, neither of these causes is the person’s fault. They should not be made to feel ashamed about who they are or what happened to them. That isn’t to say you should live with loneliness in a relationship or friendship. There are healthy ways to handle this.

How Can I Connect With Someone Who Is Emotionally Distant?

It can be challenging to have a conversation about feelings with someone who is emotionally distant. However, more often than not, the person probably isn’t even aware that you feel this way. People who are emotionally distant usually have difficulty picking up on other people’s emotions.  That is why all blame must be removed from the conversation to have a productive one about the issue.

It’s beneficial to know what being emotionally distant means. Being emotionally distant means that the person is unaware, not interested, or closed off from their own feelings and the feelings of others. The ironic thing about this is that emotionally available people have the capacity to be more open-minded and understanding of the emotionally distant person’s plight. This fact puts emotionally distant people at a disadvantage since they can’t even figure out their own emotions.

If you are unsure how to start easing your partner, friend, or family member into a conversation about this, here are a few suggestions.

Start A Conversation About Your Own Feelings First

It may be easier for the emotionally distant person to handle a conversation about feelings if it is about your feelings at first. You should emphasize that the conversation is important to you. They may be more willing to have it if that is the case. When carving out a time slot for this conversation, be sure that it is at a time that works for both of you. Both parties should be made comfortable.

Make Sure They Know They Are Not Being Blamed

This step is crucial for ensuring that the conversation goes well. The emotionally distant person needs to know that they have a safe space when talking to you. Let them know that you understand that this is just a part of their personality or that you understand what they have been through.  If they feel safe, they may be more accessible and open up to you more often.

Ask Them What You Can Do To Support Them

Any type of relationship is a two-way street. Just because you are having a conversation about another person’s problems doesn’t mean it’s all on them to fix them. Ask the person how you can support them in opening up more because you would like to have a deeper relationship. Doing so shows that you care about the person’s well-being and the relationship.

Breaking Down The Wall

Opening up is just as hard for the emotionally distant person as it is for the other person in the relationship. You never know what a person has gone through until they tell you. Remember to be gentle when talking to the person about how you feel. That can make all the difference in how the conversation goes.

You can be close to an emotionally distant person. It just takes time, effort, and patience. If you would like to learn more about emotional distance and what to do about it, feel free to contact me.